Stress. Anyone alive in this shaky, competitive, fast paced world of ours experiences a good deal of it, including our children. A child’s life may seem carefree compared to that of a corporate executive (but children suffer from stress just as adults do). Only the symptoms are different.
A child’s equivalent of the executive ulcer can be from frequent colds to reading problems. Behavior symptoms often involve withdrawal, a decrease in verbal expression, or unusually aggressive behavior. Physical responses might include diarrhea, itching, skin problems, a change in eating habits, or nightmares.
Beyond the immediate consequences of stress in children, we should keep in mind as well that studies show a high correlation between continuing stress into adulthood and health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and cancer. For all these reasons, then it is important that children develop good patterns for dealing with stress.
Stress is basically wear and tear on the body. Some stress is normal and necessary for healthful living. It keeps the mind agile and the circulatory system functioning. It also spurs us to do well on exams, to compete better in athletic events, to love and cry and strive for a more satisfying life.
But when stress becomes a distress, the problems in health and behavior begin. The possible sources of unhealthy stress in children are many, including events such as a move to a new town, chronic illnesses, the birth of a sibling, or the loss of a loved one. Stress may originate internally as a result of faulty relationships or destructive behavior. Or it may stem from some external and uncontrollable situations or event.
How can we help children lessen the sources of stress and cope with the stress that will still be inevitable? Much depends on whether we can pinpoint the sources. If so, we can often deal with the problem directly. If, however, the reason for stress is hidden and diffused, sometimes the best we can do is help a child work out a strategy for coping with it.
How you handle stress as a parent will set an example for your child. Here are some approaches for both you and your child it consider.
§ Talk about it. One of the worst responses is to hold it in (to feel that you’re alone in facing the problem). create opportunities for a young child to express his or her emotions. Hans puppets and drawing are good activities in this regard.
§ As a child grows older, he or she is able to identify and analyze frustrations. Be sensitive to the child’s comments that might be clues to anxiety. A mention of the school bully or the divorce of a friend’s parents may be the time for gentle questioning to bring hidden fears out into the open where they can be overcome.
§ Visualize possible solutions together. Help your child identify specific actions he or she can take to resolve a stressful situation. If the problem, for example, is his or her falling behind in school, talk about how the child can better schedule time, improve study habits, use your help, or obtain more help from teachers. A little creative brainstorming can go a long way toward finding solutions. And often, because of worry, a simple solution has been overlooked.
§ When an interpersonal relationship in your child’s life is involved, help him or her assess where responsibility for the problem lies. The child may wrongly be taking responsibility for another’s actions over which he or she has no control.
§ Check out God’s Word on a problem. One of the great privileges of Christians is that we can cast our cares upon the Lord, and receive genuine peace and rest in return (Rom. 8:26,28). Honest prayer can relieve stress. Pray with your child. Simple obedience may be the proper solution if he or she is violating one of God’s principles for living.
§ Live one day at a time. Most of the things both children and adults worry about never happen. A focus on the here and now can be moment and postpone dealing with the source of stress until a more appropriate time. Suggest to your child that he or she not to worry about a problem until you can talk about it together in a relaxed setting.
§ Allow your child adequate time for play. It’s one of the most important channels a child has for dealing with stress. Invest in toys that give the greatest scope to the child’s imagination and creativity, such as clay, blocks, or woodcarving tools.
§ Make sure everyone in your family gets sleep and exercise.
§ Limit the amount of TV your child watches. Too much TV watching results in stress from informational and emotional overload.
§ Don’t use your child as therapist. A single parentis especially tempted to unload on children because no other adult is in the home. Find a relative, close friend, or clergyman to listen instead.
§ Avoid pushing your child into athletic, academic, or artistic competition, or setting unrealistic goals for achievement.
§ Arrange if possible for each child to have his or her own private space (even if it is just the corner of a room) where he or she can go to be alone.
§ Try to make some portion of the day a regular quiet time in your home, when radio, TV, and even the phone are unplugged.
§ Share relaxing moments with your child. Stop to watch a sunset, examine a flower, admire a birdsong.
§ Finally, laugh a lot together! The healing power of laughter has long been recognized as an effective antidote for stress.
No one, not even a child can escape stressful situations altogether. But we reduce to a manageable level the sources of wear and tear on our family members and help them control the effects of stress. The reward will be healthier, happier lives.
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