Preparing yourself for your child starting school

It's perfectly understandable to have concerns about your child starting school. You've probably been working hard to reassure your child that big school will be exciting and fun. But you may not feel so confident yourself.

Don't brush these thoughts under the carpet. Starting school is just as important a change for you as it is for your child.

As you say goodbye on your child's first day, it may be hard not to shed a tear. If you do have a cry, try not to let your child see. It may make him anxious that you are sad.

Even distressed children soon settle into school. Try not to worry if the reality of big school only dawns on your child as you say goodbye. If you are worried, ask your child's teacher or teaching assistant about strategies they use to help children settle.

If you work, you could arrange to have the day off. Perhaps go for a coffee with friends whose children are starting school on the same day. This will give you all a chance to talk about saying goodbye. Alternatively, you may find work a welcome distraction, making a landmark day feel normal.

You can rest assured that at school your child will be exploring his independence. If you want to find out more about his school world, get involved. Many schools encourage parents to help with reading, cookery or a school trip.

You will, of course, be excited to see your child at the end of his school day, but try not to overwhelm him with questions. Although you're desperate to know what's been going on, try to keep your questions simple. Ask about who he sat next to at lunch, rather than demanding a run-down of your child's day. Try not to worry if your child says "I don't know", or I can't remember". He's had a lot to take in on his first day.

Even if your child has been going to preschool or nursery, be prepared for your house to feel empty during the longer school hours. Focus on the extra time you now have. You may want to look for work, take on more work or retrain. Perhaps you have a decorating or craft project to which you can now devote more time.

If you have a younger child or children, your house won't feel empty. But your younger one may miss your older child as much as you do.

Give your younger child or children lots of distractions. Continue to visit favourite playgroups and parks. Arrange play dates, maybe with the younger siblings of children who have also just started school.

You may find the focus is more on you now that your younger child has no older sibling to play with. So enjoy this time. Join in with games and pretend play. Share books and prepare your meals together. Your younger child will soon get used to the new routine of collecting her big sibling from school every day.

Encouraging your child's imagination

Why is it important to encourage imagination?

The first few years of your child's life are extremely important. All the things you and your toddler do together, from reading, singing, and playing to eating and walking, help to jump-start his brain.

Involving your toddler in stimulating activities helps to create connections in his brain. Through repetition, these connections build into networks in his brain that allow him to think and learn.

This is an important time in your toddler's mental development because his brain is much denser than it will be when he's older. A connection that's used repeatedly becomes permanent, while connections that are hardly used may not survive.

As you expose your toddler to new experiences, you open his mind to a bigger, more exciting world. By encouraging him to use his imagination ("Look, Mummy's a tiger in the jungle!"), you spark his brain to forge "imagination pathways" of its own.

How can I help my toddler develop his imagination?

You can help to spark your toddler's fantasy life by reading picture books about unfamiliar people and places together. While your toddler's naturally imaginative, these will help to broaden his vocabulary of words and images, too. (How can you imagine being a turtle if you've never seen one?)

Choose books with lots of big, colourful pictures. You can make up anything you want before your toddler learns to read and insists on sticking strictly to the text.

What his brain wants now is input. Show your toddler pictures of everything from beetles to dinosaurs.

Make sounds for animals and vehicles, too. Use special voices for the different characters and talk about what happened or might happen to the characters. Try to limit TV and DVDs, which create ready-made imaginary worlds for him. Instead, allow your toddler's mind more scope to create pictures on its own.

Can I make up stories for my toddler?

Hearing you tell your own made-up stories is just as good, and maybe even better, for your toddler. As well as giving lots of scope for his imagination, they'll demonstrate how to create characters and plots. And using your child as the main character is a great way to expand his sense of himself.

Soon enough, your toddler will start coming up with his own stories and adventures. He may start by copying you at first because that's how children learn. As his imagination develops, the inventiveness of his scenarios will astound you.

What sort of props will encourage my toddler's imagination?

Almost anything can be a prop for imaginative play.

Towels can become turbans, plastic beads can become precious jewels. Your toddler's mound of stuffed animals transforms itself into an animal hospital or farm.

The best props for imaginative play are often simple ones. As most of the action takes place inside your child's head, detailed costumes, such as those specific to particular movie characters, aren't that helpful. A Batman suit can only be a Batman suit. But with a plain hat and towel, your child can be lots of different characters.

The best way to ensure he has lots of ideas is to expose your child to as many real people (of all ages), places and events as possible.

Give your toddler a special box or basket to hold dressing-up bits and pieces. It will make imaginative games even more exciting, especially if you restock when he's not looking ("Let's see what's in the box today!"). By popping in two of any particular favourites, you'll ensure fewer squabbles when friends or siblings join in.

What will my toddler learn through pretend play?

Children learn a lot from dramatising their daily, and fantasy, lives.

When your toddler invents a scenario, plot and characters ("I'm the daddy and you're the baby and you're sick"), he develops social and verbal skills. By replaying scenarios that involve feeling sad, happy or frightened, he'll work out emotional issues.

Imagining that he's a superhero or a wizard makes him feel powerful. It teaches him that he's in charge and that he can be anyone he wants. Try not to ask your child too many questions about what they're doing. Instead, make comments, such as, "Wow, you look like you're on a spaceship!" This allows his imagination to take the direction he wants, rather than following you.

Your toddler's also practising self-discipline as he makes the rules up himself or with a friend. He also learns about cause and effect as he imagines how a frog or a dog would behave in a particular situation.

Perhaps most important of all, by creating imaginary situations and following them through, your child learns to solve problems. It's thought that lots of imaginative play at a young age can help your child to grow up to become a better problem-solver. So rest assured that all those hours spent on the carpet pretending to be animals is far from wasted time. It may help your toddler to cope with challenges and difficult situations when he's older, such as what to do if he finds he's forgotten a book he needs for school that day.

How messy should I let my toddler be?

Imagination is a messy business, there's no doubt about it.

Pretending to be Hansel and Gretel means a trail of crumbs through the living room.

Crossing the crocodile-infested river by stepping only on the cushions (or rocks!) means pulling the sofa apart.

Having a few quick strategies for minimising mess helps a lot. For instance, old shirts worn backwards with the sleeves cut off make great smocks. You can also save table tops by insisting on plastic sheeting under a play-dough construction site. And use large sheets of lining paper to cover the table (or the floor or the walls) to prevent multicoloured splodges and splashes.

Is it fine to set limits on their imaginative play?

Setting limits (not using the "swords" for hitting) and enforcing them is crucial for you and your child.

And while imaginary friends are fine, you shouldn't worry too much if your toddler starts blaming the friend for something he did. It's best simply to praise your child when he owns up to something but not to pay too much attention when he is dishonest.

If and when you can, let your toddler live for a bit with the reminders of his flight of fancy. If the kitchen table is currently an igloo, you've got the perfect excuse to have a pretend picnic on the living room floor!

How can I avoid fights over my toddler's imaginary play?

When your toddler begs to wear his spaceman outfit to nursery for the fourth day in a row, you may be in two minds. Adults are used to obeying social rules, and rules that are just downright practical.

So, after four days the spaceman outfit is likely to need a wash, never mind how suitable it is as daily wear. But toddlers don't think this way.

When you find yourself forcing a confrontation ("You have to take off your spaceman outfit off now"), remember that your toddler doesn't have these boundaries yet. And that's fine. Rather than being lost in some fantasy world, he's just in playing mode. As adults, we think in terms of what we want to get done in a given time.

We also worry about what others think, which can lead to feelings of embarrassment.

We learn these habits because they help us to get along in society. In that sense, they're positive. But they tend to work against a free-floating imagination. In other words, although you may not realise it, as a parent you're carrying a lot of baggage. And it pays to be aware of this when dealing with your child. Toddlers are free spirits because they haven't yet learned to worry about not being productive or looking silly. Lucky them!

What can I do next to encourage my toddler's imagination?

Part of developing an imagination is learning to share it. And the best way to help your toddler move to this next step is by being a good listener. Toddlers' verbal skills aren't great, of course, but they get better with practise.

Try trading off lines of a story. So while you're driving, say, "Once upon a time there was a dog. He lived with a little boy named Tom and one day ..." Then give your toddler a turn. If he's not up to a whole line, he can still join in. Ask him to name the little boy's dog.

When your toddler draws a picture, encourage him to tell you what's going on in it. Instead of saying "What a beautiful house!", say "What lovely colours! What's this here?"

Pretending allows your toddler to be anyone he wants to be, to practise what he's learned, and to make things come out the way he'd like. By listening to him you can stay in tune with what he's thinking.

Who knows? You might even revitalise your own imagination in the process.

Fun activities to promote maths skills

Simple addition and subtraction, counting to 100, understanding shapes. You can help your preschooler master these early maths skills simply by playing games in and around the house.

Children learn in different ways, so here are some ideas to encourage your preschooler's understanding, depending on his style.

For the visual learner

Play pattern games

For example, give your child green and purple grapes. Ask him to arrange them in different patterns, like "purple, green, purple, green" or "green, green, purple, green, green".

Look out for patterns in nature too, such as rings on a caterpillar and things that come in pairs, like eyes and ears. This will develop his abstract thinking.

Understanding weight

Ask your preschooler to choose an object to weigh on your kitchen scales or any other scale. Now find other objects and ask him to guess whether they will weigh more or less. Then weigh them to find out if he's right.

For the physical learner

Play dice or card games. Roll a pair of dice and ask your child which number is greater than the other - he'll soon recognize the dot groupings by sight. You can also play War with a deck of cards. The higher card number wins. These are both great ways to introduce the concept of "greater than" and "lesser than".

Open your own shop. Price up some tins of any used product and boxes of cereal and place them on a low table. Give your preschooler some money and let him go round the "shop" picking up any of the items that take his fancy. He can then bring them to you, the shopkeeper, at the "counter" and pay however much the goods are worth. You can swap roles later. This activity promotes good money skills.

Measure your family. Use a tape measure to record the heights of everyone in your family. Add up the centimetres to see how "tall" you are all together.

Play board games that use counting and paper money. Snakes and Ladders and Monopoly Junior are great for this.

For the auditory learner

Listen to counting rhymes and songs. "10 green bottles hanging on the wall. 10 green bottles hanging on the wall. If one green bottle should accidentally fall, there'll be nine green bottles hanging on the wall". Any variation on this counting rhyme introduces basic subtraction.

Play a guessing game. This is a good one for a car journey. Your child thinks of a number between one and 10. Try to guess the number by asking questions like: "Is it between three and six?" and "Is it greater than seven?" Then switch roles and let your preschooler do the guessing.

Establishing good sleep habits: newborn to three months

What will my baby's sleep pattern be?

Newborn babies sleep a lot. Expect your baby to be asleep for up to 18 hours over the course of 24 hours in his first few weeks. But he won't sleep for more than three hours or four hours at a time, day or night. This unfortunately means that you and your partner can expect some sleepless nights, especially at first.

This is a necessary phase for your baby and it won't last long, though it may seem like an eternity while you're sleep-deprived.

Your baby’s sleep cycles are far shorter than yours. He'll spend more time in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, which is a light, easily disturbed sleep. This is necessary for the changes that are happening in his brain.

Once he is between six weeks and eight weeks your baby will probably sleep for shorter spells during the day and longer periods at night. But he'll still wake up to feed during the night. He'll have more deep, non-REM sleep and less light sleep.

It's possible that your baby may sleep through the night at eight weeks old. But it's more likely that your nights will be interrupted for at least the first few months. If your aim is to get your baby to sleep through the night, encouraging clear habits from the start will help.

How should I encourage good sleep habits?

Your baby can develop good sleep habits from as early as six weeks. Here are a few tactics you can use to help your baby to settle.

Recognise the signs that mean he's tired

For the first six weeks to eight weeks, your baby probably won't be able to stay up for more than two hours at a time. If you wait much longer than that to put him down, he'll be overtired and won't nod off easily.

During your baby's first three months, learn the signs that he's sleepy, such as if he:

•             rubs his eyes

•             flicks his ear with his hand

•             develops faint, dark circles under his eyes

•             whines and cries at the slightest provocation

•             stares blankly into space

•             yawns and stretches a lot

•             loses interest in people and his toys

•             becomes quiet and still

He may also turn his face away from moving objects or people, or bury his face in your chest.

If you spot these or any other signs of sleepiness, try putting him down in his cot or Moses basket. You'll soon develop a sixth sense about your baby's daily rhythms and patterns, and know instinctively when he's ready for a nap.

Teach him the difference between night and day

Your baby may be a night owl and still be wide awake when you're ready to turn in. Once your baby is about two weeks old, you can start to teach him the difference between night and day.

In the daytime, when he's alert:

•             Change his clothes when he wakes to signal the start of a new day.

•             Play with him as much as you can.

•             Make daytime feeds social. Chat and sing as you feed him.

•             Keep the house and his room light and bright.

•             Let him hear everyday noises, such as the radio or washing machine.

•             Wake him gently if he nods off during a feed.

At night-time:

•             Stay quiet when you feed him.

•             Keep lights and noise low, and don't talk to him too much.

•             Change him into his pyjamas to signal the end of the day.

All this should help your baby to start to understand that night-time is for sleeping.

Give him a chance to fall asleep on his own

When your baby's between six weeks and eight weeks old, you can teach him how to fall asleep on his own. Put him down when he's sleepy, but still awake. Stay with him if you wish, but be prepared to do the same every time he wakes at night.

How you settle your baby to sleep is important. If you rock him to sleep every night for the first eight weeks, he will expect the same later on. If you leave him alone to sleep, he will expect that, too.

Some experts advise against rocking or feeding your baby to sleep. It's up to you to decide what sort of routine best suits you and your baby.

If you want to establish a predictable pattern, you'll need to adopt the same strategy every night.

What sleep problems happen at this age?

In your baby's first few months, you may have to resign yourself to quite a few disturbed nights. In the first few weeks you may find that swaddling your baby helps to send him to sleep.

You may worry about the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) during these first few months, but there are ways to reduce this risk.

Potty training: what doesn't work

Is it possible to start potty training too soon?

There's no magic age at which your child is ready to start using a potty. However most healthy children will develop the skills they need to start training when they're between 18 months and three years old.

Starting before your child is ready will probably just prolong the whole process or you may find that you have to stop and start again several times.

Is there a bad time to start potty training?

Try not to start training during a disruptive event in your child's life. The week before a new baby is due or a house move isn't a good time. Toddlers love routine, and any major changes may upset her and create setbacks in her behaviour.

Instead, wait until things have settled down and your child is keen to start training.

Should I insist that she uses the potty?

If your child has started to show an interest in potty training, that's great. But don't push her to get through it faster than she's ready to. Like any other stage of development, your toddler will learn to control her bladder and bowels at her own pace.

Let her take her time and get used to this new, complicated process step by step. She'll move from one stage to the next in her own time.

You can stimulate her interest with stories and encouragement, but don't push her. She'll need some direction from you, such as, "Have a wee and then we can go and see Granny". Be positive and follow it up with something nice, rather than just telling her she has to wee.

Choose your words with care, as asking her to "try to wee" may be interpreted as just sitting on the loo for a few seconds. But if she's been on the loo for a few minutes and hasn't managed to produce anything, be positive. She needs to know that if she really has tried, that's more than enough.

Should I take other people's advice about potty training?

Resist pressure from family and friends and wait until your child shows signs that she is ready.

Your child needs to learn to recognize the signals that it's time to go, as well as hold on until she's near her potty. The sensory fibres in her bladder wall send signals about a full bladder via her spine to her brain.

These links between the spine and brain aren't established until a child is about two years old. And the muscles that control a child's bladder and rectum aren't mature until about 18 months to two years. This may be why toilet training a child under two may be difficult.

Tell anyone pressuring you that you have a plan and are sticking to it. If they are minding your child they will need to stick to the same approach to avoid confusion. Talk to other parents in our community for help and support.

Should we be firm about potty-training accidents?

Not being interested in training, refusing to sit on the potty, or having lots of accidents, are common problems. Getting angry or punishing your child due to these potty training setbacks won't help.

Respond to messes and other challenges calmly and without any fuss, as frustrating as it may sometimes be. Explain calmly that you would like her to try to use the potty or toilet next time. After she has had an accident, place her on the potty to reinforce that this is where she needs to do a wee or a poo.

Setbacks are natural, and getting upset or scolding her will only make your child less interested in training. She'll be afraid of making any more mistakes and of making you angry. Or it can turn potty training into a battle of wills. She may even start holding her wee or poo in, which may make her constipated and susceptible to urinary tract infections.

Accidents are part of the potty training process, but will lessen in time. So be prepared for many clothes changes during the early stages. But if you can keep calm and give plenty of encouragement and praise, potty training can be a positive experience for you both

Potty training: what works

When's the best age to start potty training?

There's no definite age at which your child will be ready to start using the potty. However, most children are ready when they're between 18 months and three years old

How long will potty training take to succeed?

Mastering the various steps of potty training can take a long time. Though a few children finish in just a few days, others need weeks or months, especially when it comes to completing night training.

Let your child set the pace and get used to this new, complicated process step-by-step. He can then move from one stage to the next in his own time. Stimulate his interest with stories and encouragement

Remember that he'll need some direction from you to actually have a wee or a poo for a while. For a toddler, going to the loo comes way down in the list of priorities when there are so many other fun things to do. So say something like, "Have a wee and then we can go and play a game".

How can we prepare for potty training?

Before you even buy your child a potty, think about how you plan to handle the training. Decide:

•when you want to start

•how you want to start

•what (if any) rewards you'll use

•how you'll handle accidents

You could also talk about your plan with your partner, health visitor and other parents, to see if they have any advice gained from experience.

Once you've come up with a plan, make sure that everyone else who takes care of your child has the same approach, to avoid confusing him.

When should we praise him during potty training?

While he's potty training, your child will be looking to you for positive reinforcement of his new skills. Don't disappoint him. Whenever he moves on to a new step or tries to use his potty, tell him he's doing well, and that you're proud of him. Though don't go so overboard with praise that he becomes nervous and afraid to fail, as this may lead to more accidents.

How can we make potty-training accidents into a positive?

Virtually every child will have accidents before being completely trained during the day and at night. Try not to get angry or punish your child. Mastering the process will take time. When he has an accident, calmly clean it up, and suggest that next time he tries using his potty instead

When to start potty training

When your child shows signs of readiness, and not before

Healthy children aren't physically and emotionally ready to start using a potty until they are between 18 months and three years old. Boys tend to be ready a few months later than girls.

Most parents start the training when their children are between two years and three years old.

But there's no official age, and you needn't potty train your toddler at all if you don't want to. Your child may copy others without needing any instructions, as long as you make it clear to her what she has to do, and where she must do it. You shouldn't force your child to use a potty if she doesn't want to, or if she is not ready to start.

Some parents start potty training when their babies are younger than four months. This is done by watching for signs of an imminent wee or poo and catching it in the potty. This method is called elimination communication.

However, most health visitors don't advise this, and even suggest that children who have been trained in this way have problems later on. They may experience setbacks with using school toilets, or when they encounter stressful situations. It's better to wait until your child is ready, and is showing an interest.

A child under two years cannot control when they wee and poo. The muscles that control their bladder and rectum aren't mature until they reach about 18 months to two years. That's why waiting for signs that they are ready is the key to success, and starting too early will result in accidents.

True independence is a lot to ask of a baby, as it means that she knows:

•how and when to use the toilet

•how to hang on until she reaches the toilet

•how to flush

•how to pull her clothes up and down

•how to wipe her bottom without your help

All of this doesn't happen in most children until the age of about three years or four years. This is regardless of when you start potty training, or how you go about it.

How to help your preschooler learn to read

About phonics

Learning to read requires the mastering of three basic skills: syntax, semantics and phonics.

•Syntax is the way words, phrases and clauses go together to create sentences and paragraphs.

•Semantics is how words and sentences in a group relate to one another.

•Phonics refers to the sounds letters make and the relationship between written and spoken words.

As your preschooler learns to read, he will develop in all these areas. Most children, however, start understanding syntax and semantics before phonics. For example, he will learn that sentences in a book run from left to right before he understands what the letter combination "sh" sounds like. The best thing you can do to help your child grow in all three areas is to expose him to books and reading every day, whether by reading aloud at bedtime, going to story time at your local library or simply reading from the recipe as you make his dinner.

About syntax

A child who grasps syntax has an awareness of written language. Syntax skills begin with an understanding of the structure of a book and the words and sentences within it. For example, when your preschooler was a baby, he held books upside down, sucked on them or used them as a mat to sit on. As a toddler, he started to understand that a book has a front and a back, that words are read from left to right and that the book progresses page by page. Once your child grasps the structure of a book, he'll begin to understand what's inside: words, sentences, paragraphs and chapters. As your preschooler tackles new books, he'll start to get to grips with the stops, starts and pauses in a sentence and the purpose of punctuation.

Here are some ways to develop syntax skills with your preschooler:

•Read aloud books that rhyme. There are some great story books that rhyme, such as The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson. Or try a book of nursery rhymes.

•As you read, follow the words with your finger. This will show your preschooler how a sentence progresses, that a full stop represents a pause in the flow of the story and other relationships between written and spoken language.

•Write a letter with your child. Emphasize the different parts of the letter: introduction, sentences, paragraphs, closing.

About semantics

Semantic skills include an ability to recognize and define words, to predict the plot of a story, understand the characters, to talk about the meaning of a whole paragraph or section of a book and to discuss a book as a whole after reading it. It also means being able to substitute words and differentiate words with similar meanings too. For example, "cup" and "mug".

Here are some ways to encourage semantic skills with early readers:

•Read books that tell stories. Fairytales are great for this.

•Talk about the book as you read it. Ask your child to predict the end of the story.

•Keep the flow going. When your child starts learning to read aloud, don't stop mid-sentence to labour over a difficult word. If your child is stuck, say the word, explain the meaning, and then move on with the sentence. This encourages comprehension of the sentence and the rest of the story. Go back and review the word another time.

About phonics

Phonics is the mechanical part of the reading process. It includes being able to sound out words and recognise word families, such as "ph" words and "th" words. Being able to differentiate between words that look alike, such as "big" and "bag" is part of it too. As well as being able to distinguish words with different letters but similar sounds, such as "four" and "phone".

Here are some ways to encourage and develop phonics skills with early readers:

•Go through rhyming books, nursery rhymes and songs with your child. With each rhyme, point out the words that look alike and discuss the difference in meaning. For example, how is "hat" different from "cat"?

•Use alphabet books to discuss words that are the same and different in their beginning and end letter.

•Write down the names of family members and friends, and sound out each name with your child. Group the names by first letter.

•Get your child to read to you. When he comes across new or difficult words, pronounce and define them for him, and then let your child read the sentence again. Keep a mental note of any recurring problems.

•Don't name letters, sound them. When you are teaching your child about letters, use the sound: "a" as in apple, "b" as in banana, "c" as in cat.

CAN YOUR CHILD HANDLE STRESS?

Stress. Anyone alive in this shaky, competitive, fast paced world of ours experiences a good deal of it, including our children. A child’s life may seem carefree compared to that of a corporate executive (but children suffer from stress just as adults do). Only the symptoms are different.

A child’s equivalent of the executive ulcer can be from frequent colds to reading problems. Behavior symptoms often involve withdrawal, a decrease in verbal expression, or unusually aggressive behavior. Physical responses might include diarrhea, itching, skin problems, a change in eating habits, or nightmares.

Beyond the immediate consequences of stress in children, we should keep in mind as well that studies show a high correlation between continuing stress into adulthood and health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and cancer. For all these reasons, then it is important that children develop good patterns for dealing with stress.

Stress is basically wear and tear on the body. Some stress is normal and necessary for healthful living. It keeps the mind agile and the circulatory system functioning. It also spurs us to do well on exams, to compete better in athletic events, to love and cry and strive for a more satisfying life.

But when stress becomes a distress, the problems in health and behavior begin. The possible sources of unhealthy stress in children are many, including events such as a move to a new town, chronic illnesses, the birth of a sibling, or the loss of a loved one. Stress may originate internally as a result of faulty relationships or destructive behavior. Or it may stem from some external and uncontrollable situations or event.

How can we help children lessen the sources of stress and cope with the stress that will still be inevitable? Much depends on whether we can pinpoint the sources. If so, we can often deal with the problem directly. If, however, the reason for stress is hidden and diffused, sometimes the best we can do is help a child work out a strategy for coping with it.

How you handle stress as a parent will set an example for your child. Here are some approaches for both you and your child it consider.

§  Talk about it. One of the worst responses is to hold it in (to feel that you’re alone in facing the problem).  create opportunities for a young child to express his or her emotions. Hans puppets and drawing are good activities in this regard.

§  As a child grows older, he or she is able to identify and analyze frustrations. Be sensitive to the child’s comments that might be clues to anxiety. A mention of the school bully or the divorce of a friend’s parents may be the time for gentle questioning to bring hidden fears out into the open where they can be overcome.

§  Visualize possible solutions together. Help your child identify specific actions he or she can take to resolve a stressful situation. If the problem, for example, is his or her falling behind in school, talk about how the child can better schedule time, improve study habits, use your help, or obtain more help from teachers. A little creative brainstorming can go a long way toward finding solutions. And often, because of worry, a simple solution has been overlooked.

§  When an interpersonal relationship in your child’s life is involved, help him or her assess where responsibility for the problem lies. The child may wrongly be taking responsibility for another’s actions over which he or she has no control.

§  Check out God’s Word on a problem. One of the great privileges of Christians is that we can cast our cares upon the Lord, and receive genuine peace and rest in return (Rom. 8:26,28). Honest prayer can relieve stress. Pray with your child. Simple obedience may be the proper solution if he or she is violating one of God’s principles for living.

§  Live one day at a time.  Most of the things both children and adults worry about never happen. A focus on the here and now can be moment and postpone dealing with the source of stress until a more appropriate time. Suggest to your child that he or she not to worry about a problem until you can talk  about it together in a relaxed setting.

§  Allow your child adequate time for play. It’s one of the most important channels a child has for dealing with stress. Invest in toys that give the greatest scope to the child’s imagination and creativity, such as clay, blocks, or woodcarving tools.

§  Make sure everyone in your family gets sleep and exercise.

§  Limit the amount of TV your child watches. Too much TV watching results in stress from informational and emotional overload.

§  Don’t use your child as therapist. A single parentis especially tempted to unload on children because no other adult is in the home. Find a relative, close friend, or clergyman to listen instead.

§  Avoid pushing your child into athletic, academic, or artistic competition, or setting unrealistic goals for achievement.

§  Arrange if possible for each child to have his or her own private space (even if it is just the corner of a room) where he or she can go to be alone.

§  Try to make some portion of the day a regular quiet time in your home, when radio, TV, and even the phone are unplugged.

§  Share relaxing moments with your child. Stop to watch a sunset, examine a flower, admire a birdsong.

§  Finally, laugh a lot together! The healing power of laughter has long been recognized as an effective antidote for stress.

No one, not even a child can escape stressful situations altogether. But we reduce to a manageable level the sources of wear and tear on our family members and help them control the effects of stress. The reward will be healthier, happier lives.